


O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

by werepope (quiteparadise)



Series: 2014 Advent Calendar for a Filthy-Minded Athiest [21]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, fake boyfriends, implied past Harry/Zayn, side Louis/Harry, why not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 16:45:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2819195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiteparadise/pseuds/werepope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Liam, if you need a fake boyfriend for the week, pick Zayn.  He's great with parents.  Mums especially.  They love him.  And he's a good kisser."</p><p> </p><p>Advent calendar challenge: Forced cheer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

Josh broke up with Liam more than a year ago. It happened out of nowhere, according to him, although his friends all saw it coming a mile away. That's just part of being Liam, though. Thinking the best about people does make it a lot more surprising, when they knee you in the balls.

It's been more than a year and his mum is officially Worried. Has been for a while now. That Liam wasn't handling the break-up well. That he's still hung up on Josh. That he's depressed. Her worry got to the point that, two months ago, Liam actually did the unthinkable: he lied to his mum. For her own good.

He told her he'd been on a date. Simple as that, and she was so happy. So relieved. That was what kicked Liam's own Worry up to capitalization levels. (He got his personality from somewhere, after all.) So he just kept lying to her. It was easy enough. He didn't even have to give this fictional boyfriend any details that would bite him later. He just said they were taking it slow, and he didn't want to jinx anything. She hadn't pressed.

But now she's coming to visit, and Liam is going to have to disappoint her, one of his least favorite things to do in the whole world. He has to either tell her that A) he and his boyfriend aren't seeing each other anymore or B) there never was a boyfriend. It's is going to be horrible. He doesn't think he can do it. She's going to be so upset.

It's Louis who comes up with the solution. The answer is so obvious. "If it's that bad, Liam, I'll be your boyfriend."

"Lou!"

Louis rolls his eyes. "Well it's not for real, Haz."

"I know _that_. I also know what a terrible boyfriend you are," Harry says.

So they're in the dramatic downswing cycle of their relationship. Good to know. It could be days or weeks before they hit another upswing, back to being honeymooners again. It must be intentional. They must get off on it. There's no other explanation for it. Or no more believable explanation, anyway, since it is Louis and Harry.

"It should be Zayn," says Harry.

Zayn looks up from his quiet _this is none of my business, I am one with the furniture, please ignore me_ conference with the tangram puzzle app on his phone. "What?"

Now Louis's actually a bit indignant. "Are you implying that Zayn was a better boyfriend that I am?"

"No," Harry says, "I'm saying it. Liam, if you need a fake boyfriend for the week, pick Zayn. He's great with parents. Mums especially. They love him. And he's a good kisser."

Zayn wonders if it's too late to just get up and leave. If Liam would take that to mean disinterest in his suffering, instead of a desperate bid to save himself from torture.

"I don't' know," Liam says, turning his ridiculous brown puppy eyes on Zayn. "Would you mind? Just for a couple days?"

…

Liam's mum wants to go to Selfridges, which is about as innocuous as it gets, so Zayn agrees to go along. There will be so many people and so many distractions, Karen won't be able to see any inconsistencies, any tells. And if she does, Liam can just shrug it off. No one's themselves in that kind of situation.

Except that Karen is a lot more interested in Zayn than she is the dazzle of a well-decorated department store. She's so pleased to meet Zayn it's sort of crushing. She keeps shooting these completely obvious smiles at Liam every time she thinks Zayn can't see her, broadcasting her approval. She's just so happy for Liam, and it would be aching sweet if it weren't all a lie that's been concocted for her benefit. The truth sours things. A lot.

They meander the store more than shop. Zayn does his shopping at H&M, where things cost reasonable amounts of money, thank you very much. Neither Liam nor Karen seem very much interested either, although they spend a while in the ladies accessories while Karen picks out scarves for Ruth and Nicola. She asks Liam's opinion and then Zayn's, which feels like a test he's wholly unprepared for.

"I like the red one," he says, agreeing with Liam because it's a lot easier to walk in his footsteps than forge a path for himself through unknown territory.

She buys purple for Ruth and cream for Nicola, but she smiles at Zayn like he made the right choice. Whatever that means.

They eat in the store, at a champagne bar that desperately needs a menu redesign. Zayn's vision all but swims, either from the confusing blocks of text or the prices. He gets a small portion of vegetable risotto and a glass of chardonnay that he desperately wants to turn into two, once their server is gone and Karen is looking back and forth between them expectantly.

"So," she says, at which point Liam folds like a card table.

"Mum, I should tell you," he starts, because he's honest and weak. Zayn should probably let him. This was such a stupid idea from the beginning. Leave it to Liam to come up with something as well-intended and idiotic as this, and leave it to Louis to make it so much worse.

He should keep his mouth shut, but he doesn't. Instead he reaches out and curls his fingers into Liam's elbow. "Just remembered. I've got to make a call." He leans over the edge of the table to kiss Liam's cheek, but he turns his head a bit, just enough for Zayn to land it at the corner of his mouth. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

Karen shoos away his apology and tells him to take his time. Liam touches his wrist, holding him captive half out of his chair for a moment, until he shakes himself out of it and lets go.

…

Liam does not tell Karen that he lied to her, and she doesn't seem to catch on. She kisses Zayn's cheek as she says goodbye, her hand squeezing at his shoulder. Liam hovers, like he's not sure what a goodbye even is anymore, let alone how to execute one.

Zayn scrapes his knuckles against the scruff of beard under Liam's chin. "Bye, babe."

Liam catches his sleeve before Zayn can turn away. He darts in to press a brief, chaste kiss against Zayn's mouth. And then, fingers twitching, another one, less brief.

"We're gonna go see _The Hobbit_ tomorrow," he says, while Zayn blinks at him and Karen takes pictures of Selfridge's grand entrance with her phone. "Text me, if you want to come."

Zayn nods. "Yeah."

Karen looks back at them, to ask if Zayn will take her picture with Liam in front of one of the windows before he goes. Liam puts his hands on Zayn's ribs under his coat and kisses him much less chastely.


End file.
